Hospice is Wherever You Call Home: Family Caregiver Remembers Her Mom’s Hospice Journey

When the option of hospice is mentioned to those caring for a loved one, it may be the first time they are faced with decisions regarding a terminal diagnosis. It can be a scary and uncertain time. But Sandy Onyshko is not the average family caregiver.

As a registered nurse, Sandy’s experience included many years working in hospice care, so she knew the best place for her mom, Cindy Banda, after a serious cancer diagnosis.

At first, Cindy’s treatments for small-cell lung cancer seemed to be helping. But it was soon discovered that the disease had spread to her brain, causing confusion and balance issues.

Up to this point, the family was focused on curing the disease or at least extending life quality. The first stop was a ten-day hospital stay for palliative radiation. It turned out to be exhausting for mom and family.

"I just want hospice,” said Cindy.

She was getting tired of hospitals and treatments. At the same time, the well-meaning hospital team was encouraging her to continue treatments and rehab, so the family reluctantly supported the decision.

The hospital discharge suggested she go to a nursing home, but that was not the right place for her either and she was not happy there.

Sandy continued to advocate for her mom’s wishes to go home and have hospice. But now Cindy was too weak to be alone at home safely, where hospice is typically provided. So Sandy found a unique place for her mom to call home where she could receive the hospice care she wanted.

Malichi House, a small nonprofit facility in Cleveland, is dedicated to serving the terminally ill with a goal of making their final days as comfortable as possible. Patients are all on hospice and have limited or no financial resources. Sandy was already familiar with the facility from her own nursing work. Her first call was to VNA Hospice while she waited for the next available room at Malachi House.

“Mom liked there it so much better,” said Sandy. “It was warm, the people were nice. She could go downstairs and watch the birds and talk with the other patients.”

During her month-long stay, Cindy’s VNA aide came every day, and she saw the nurse nearly every day too.

Sandy said her mom looked nice wearing a nightgown made by the local hospice volunteers that looked more like pretty pajamas than something from a hospital. All this helped Cindy look and feel a little better, and gave the kids good memories of seeing her that way.

“The meds were also a big part of it,” Sandy emphasized. “They were given appropriately, she was responsive and comfortable, awake and alert. She never complained of pain. She was on the right combo and timing of meds -- never over medicated.”

When Cindy started to decline further, all the family members had a chance to visit: her uncle, cousin, siblings, children, grandchildren and her niece. A priest was also there, in line with her Catholic faith.

“It was bittersweet,” Sandy recalled. “I told her to say hello to heaven.”

Cindy was only 68.

Sandy fondly remembers her days working as a hospice nurse. While she says it was the most fulfilling work she ever had, this personal experience made her see it in a new light.

“It’s very different when you are on the family side. I saw things coming before they happened,” she explained. “It was a balancing act – getting everything and everyone where they need to be mentally and emotionally.

“Now that my mom is gone, traditions have to change, and we will make new traditions for the next generation.”

VNA of Ohio is a pioneer in homecare. Founded in 1902, it has a long history of caring for people where they are most comfortable—in their own homes. For more information about VNA of Ohio Hospice, please call (216) 696-4357.